ONE FOR SORROW
(A late Autumn afternoon. It is starting to get dark outside. A living room. Sofa, rocking chair, coffee table, mantlepiece, lamp. Knick-knacks adorn the room. There is a door, leading off to the kitchen and front door, and another, leading off upstairs. AGATHA, an elderly woman of 70, sits on the sofa. She is very still, except for her hand, which is stroking her neck repeatedly. She cuts an utterly defeated figure. She sits in the chair, quietly crying, she stops. Silence. She finally speaks, softly)
AGATHA:
David, I’m sorry David. I never meant for you to leave my side, I don’t remember taking you off… the clasp… the clasp must have broken and you’ve slipped from my neck. Where have I been today? I woke up, got out of bed, then you were here, I came downstairs, made myself a cup of tea, still here, sat in the living room, cash in the attic, still here, walked to the park… ohh David the park! I went down to the park to feed the moorhens, the ducklings are there you see, and, and ohh you must have broken there. You naughty boy, why would you choose there of all places…I must go and look for you…(she hobbles to the window) Ohh but it’s getting dark now, by the time I made it to the pond you’d be lost to the night. I’d never find you on the floor, that’s to say you’re still there, wherever there is, if you even fell off there, if you even fell off at all… and who’s to say a bird wouldn’t have picked you up. Magpies David, magpies. Nature’s jewellery thief that’s what they are. I bet a big old magpie took one look at you shining away in the setting winter sun and thought to himself ooh yes please and gathered you up to hoard in his treasure cove. And now I’ll never see you again. I’ll never see you again. My beautiful baby boy. The most handsome young man I ever saw. And I’ll never see you again. Lost, lost forever to Mr Magpie and his eye for a glint.
Unless you didn’t leave me in the park. Unless you stayed behind here at the house whilst I was gone, knowing how dangerous the park can be for someone like you. You are a clever boy, after all. I bet you felt yourself growing weak and decided it were better to slip off in here than risk the great outdoors. Yes that’s what you will have done. Ohh that is a great comfort.
(pause)
Now it’s just the small matter of looking for you.
(With a heaving sigh, she gets up and turns on the lamp. She begins to look for her locket with painstaking effort. She searches the coffee table. Nothing. The sides and under the sofa. Nothing. The mantlepiece. Nothing. She retraces her steps, the search becoming more frantic. She stops. She sits on the rocking chair. Breathless)
No, no you’ve not hidden away down here. Well… well maybe you stayed upstairs this morning, I’m sure that’s it. I’ll check… I’ll check in a moment. I think I’ll just rest my eyes for a minute here. Yes tired me out you have David. With all your hide and seek. Deary me…
(She falls asleep. Long pause. Suddenly, a knock at the door. She wakes with a start, and is confused)
What? Eh? David? David was that you? Was that what?
(Knock at the door)
Oh, oh not expecting visitors are we David? I’m not sure I want to see any visitors right now (looks around the living room) and we’ve rather made a mess haven’t we dear. No. I’m not sure I’m up to being a good host right at this moment, lets just stay here. Sorry knock, we don’t mean to be rude.
(Knock again. The sound of a letterbox opening. A voice calls)
VOICE:
Excuse me… excuse me… umm… I can, I can see a lamp on… I don’t mean to bother you… only I was walking in the park and I found something… I think it belongs to you….
AGATHA:
(Calling) Sorry dear, I was asleep, give me a moment! (moving towards the door) Did you hear that David? I was right, you left me in the park, and it looks like Mr Magpie did pick you up after all (chuckles) aren’t we lucky that Mr Magpie decided to bring you back to me. (She opens the door) Hello there, sorry about the del…
(She trails off. Speechless. Pause)
VOICE:
Sorry... Are you alright? I..I think I’ve found your... Locket are you sure you’re ok? You look very… very shocked, have I come at a bad time I can come back later?
AGATHA:
(small) David?
(pause)
VOICE:
Is… Is this yours? Are you sure you’re alright, you’re starting to worry me. I would go but I don’t feel right leaving you like/ this
AGATHA:
It can’t be you, but you look so much like… but it can’t be, it’s not you david is it I’m just being silly, how silly of me / I can be very silly sometimes just an awful silly... Sally…. what?
VOICE:
I think I better come in, you don’t look well.
I said I think I better come in, if you don’t mind, it’s just you look as though you’ve had an awful shock. (gently leading Agatha back into the sitting room, MR MAGPIE enters, he is smartly dressed for outdoors, with a long overcoat, travel bag and leather gloves) Would you like anything?
AGATHA:
(in a small voice again) A cup of tea would be lovely. (He leaves to go into the kitchen for a few moments, She sits back down in the chair, confused and sad)
MR MAGPIE
It’s boiling (sits, silence, Agatha is still confused) Are you ok? It’s, it’s just the shock that’s all, I think you’ve tricked yourself a bit and given yourself a bit of a jolt. Nice warm cup of tea’ll soon put that right eh? Oh, I think I heard it click, won’t be two seconds. I’ll make it nice and milky shall I? That’s supposed to be good for shock.
(He leaves the room to make a cup of tea, Agatha sits, hardly moving, she is visibly upset, after a few moments he returns with a cup of tea)
(as he hands her the cup) Here we go, that should do the trick. Nice and milky.
AGATHA sips
MR MAGPIE
Better?
AGATHA nods
Well I suppose I better give you this back eh? (produces the locket from his pocket) Really beautiful, must’ve have cost a lot. Would’ve been such a shame to lose something like that. Here you go (hands it to her)
AGATHA:
(small) Thankyou.
MR MAGPIE:
That’s no problem, Agatha
AGATHA:
(taken aback) What?
MR MAGPIE:
… that’s no problem?
AGATHA:
How did you know my name?
MR MAGPIE:
Oh… I’m sorry, It’s engraved. On the, er, back. I didn’t mean to be rude, I just... assumed… you must be Agatha?
AGATHA:
Oh. Yes, yes I am, thankyou dear.
(silence, Agatha seems to calm, and continues to sip her tea)
MR MAGPIE:
Who’s David?
AGATHA:
Sorry?
MR MAGPIE:
If you don’t mind me asking, of course, only, you called me David at the door?
AGATHA:
Oh that, oh nevermind dear that was just my brain playing tricks on me. I thought you were someone I know but of course you’re not, you couldn’t have been, it was most silly of me. You do look… so very much like him though.
MR MAGPIE:
Your son?
AGATHA:
What?
MR MAGPIE:
David, he’s your son isn’t he?
AGATHA:
(wary) Was… my son yes. He died many years ago.
MR MAGPIE:
I’m very sorry.
AGATHA:
Don’t be, life goes on after all… (smaller, almost to herself) Whether you want it to or not (pause) how did you know?
MR MAGPIE:
(smiles) the locket again. Inside, “our son”, and the picture.
AGATHA:
You... you opened it?
MR MAGPIE:
Well, not exactly, I..
AGATHA:
How could you?
MR MAGPIE:
Sorry?
AGATHA:
How dare you. Open my David, you’re a stranger, he doesn’t want opening by strangers willy nilly, he doesn’t want to see strange faces leering at him, he’s my baby boy he’s not a… a ..circus animal in a cage to be gawped at. He’s private, he’s mine, no-one elses, mine… mine. You’re intruding, trespassing, how… how dare you. It’s awful, simply awful I..
MR MAGPIE:
I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to cause offense, the locket was open when I found it, I certainly wasn’t trying to intrude.. I was just. trying to help. I thought it might give me a clue who’s it was is all, I just wanted to find out who it belonged to. I’m starting to think I shouldn’t have bothered.
AGATHA:
(trying to collect herself) Yes. Yes you’re right, I’m terribly… terribly sorry. I don’t know what came over me, of course you weren’t trying to.. I can… I get flustered sometimes, this locket is all I have left of him you see, when I thought I’d lost it, I ..was lost myself.. Oh dear. That’s a very silly thing to say. I’m sorry, you probably just think I’m a crazy old woman prattling on
MR MAGPIE:
I don’t, it’s ok.
AGATHA:
Let me… let me get you something for your trouble
MR MAGPIE:
No, honestly it’s fine I…
AGATHA:
No,no don’t be daft now, you’ve gone to a lot of trouble to return this to me, my purse is upstairs somewhere… just let me go and hunt around in it
(She goes upstairs)
MR MAGPIE:
(looks around the room. Laughs to himself. He gets up and begins to inspect the ornaments in the room) (calling)
It’s a lovely little place you’ve got here. Just you here is it? You’ve done very well if it is.. my, my, it’s a fine little house. Must be a bit lonely though, I’d imagine. (To himself) Must be awful, being old, all alone. Withered and wasting away. The pain of surviving greater each day. I suppose you’d quite enjoy being put out of your misery eh? Stupid old cow.
(He sits in the chair, and takes a long kitchen knife from his travel bag)
Time to shine little one (He toys with it) It’s been long, too long. I’m sorry Daddy’s been away. I’m sorry the beauty was lost. We’ll find it again, we’ll find it. The pristine silence. We’ll slice and we’ll dice and we’ll take our time… we’ll find it again. (He places the knife next to him and covers it with a cushion)
AGATHA:
(entering) Here we go dear, I’m sorry it’s not much, but it’s all I could find (hands him a £5 note)
MR MAGPIE:
You didn’t have to, that’s very kind. I’m just happy to have helped you out in your ‘time of need’ (soft laugh) It was my pleasure
AGATHA:
Oh the pleasure is all mine
MR MAGPIE:
(Quietly, one hand on the cushion) No it’s not.
AGATHA:
Did you say something whilst I was upstairs dear?
MR MAGPIE:
Sorry? Oh I was just remarking on what a lovely house you’ve got, lots of very pretty ornaments.
AGATHA:
Oh yes, my pride and joy they are, my babies. After David of course, I don’t know what I do without David. My husband was always telling me to get them valued. ‘You’ve probably got a fortune on that bloody mantlepiece’ he said. I never did though. Sentimental value was enough for me. Besides, I get by. And my babies keep me company.
MR MAGPIE:
And your husband doesn’t mind?
AGATHA:
Oh he passed away many years ago now, he’s probably shaking his fist at me from Heaven though (she chuckles) Oh he never could stand my sentimentality. Called it a ‘weakness’, said I’d never get anywhere with a pocket full of sugar. He was a hard man, a hard man but a gentleman. Well I got a bit further than you didn’t I Nigel. Not that i’m bragging.
MR MAGPIE:
So it’s just you now then?
AGATHA:
Oh yes, all alone I’m afraid. But I have been for years now, you get used to it.
MR MAGPIE:
I could value them if you like?
AGATHA:
What?
MR MAGPIE:
Your ornaments? I wouldn’t say i’m an expert, but I’ve always had a keen eye for valuables. It’d be nice to know the ‘fortune’ you’re sitting on surely? You could leave it to a charity auction or something if you knew they’d fetch a lot?
AGATHA:
Oh I don’t know dear, It had crossed my mind. Where my babies would go once I’d gone. And I’d like them to go to a nice home, a loving home. But I couldn’t pay you I’m afraid, and I wouldn’t want to trouble you.
MR MAGPIE:
No trouble, I’d happily do it. As a favour.
AGATHA:
Well that would be very kind of you.
(Mr Magpie gets up and begins to inspect the ornaments once more. Agatha sits, she fiddles nervously with her locket)
MR MAGPIE:
(He whistles) Well, like I said, no expert, but I’d hazard a guess that these are all genuine. Your husband had a point, your mantlepiece is like a treasure chest. I think there could be a good Fifty thousand pounds sitting there. Fifty grand, sat above a gas fire, gathering dust. My, my that does seem a shame.
AGATHA:
Fifty thous… (she trails off speechless)
MR MAGPIE:
Oh easily, fifty K. With. Out. Question. It’s a fine collection, every corner of the world surely. It’s there. In amongst a lot of pointless shit / of course.
AGATHA:
Excuse me?
MR MAGPIE:
All those fucking cats / and birds, cluttering up the space, making it look ‘busy’
AGATHA:
I’m sorry I really don’t care for your tone
MR MAGPIE:
What is it with old women and their fucking cats? Hideous little knick knacks. And they’re always dressed as people. Pathetic. You dress a real cat up like that it’d hiss and howl, it’d scratch your fucking eyes out til you screamed bloody murder, but yet you old biddies / all think it’s the cutest fucking thing since sliced bread.
AGATHA:
(small) I’d, I’d like you to leave
MR MAGPIE:
And in amongst all these prim and pretty pussies sits an original Imperial Chinese Vase? A thing of beauty, straight off the orient express from Ming’s fucking dynasty for all I know and there it is, covered in dust / surrounded by moggy and felix in their Sunday best.
AGATHA:
(Standing, a poor attempt to be defiant) Please leave.
MR MAGPIE:
If anything it just proves to me that you don’t deserve any of it. Leave? (he laughs) are you going to make me? I’m not going anywhere Agatha. And do you know why? You see all of this? All these riches? It’s all nothing… Nothing compared to what’s draped around your neck.
AGATHA:
W..what?
MR MAGPIE:
That locket. That beautiful piece of pure fucking wealth that you have hanging around your weak, fragile, wrinkled neck.
AGATHA:
My.. My david
MR MAGPIE:
Oh your David, your david is worth more than this entire house. (pause) You don’t ask many questions do you? That’s the trouble with the elderly, you’re so very trusting. Did you even think to ask how I knew where you lived?
AGATHA:
You said… enscribed on the…
MR MAGPIE:
(laughing) Not your whole fucking address Agatha. Did you even think how you lost your david in the first place?
AGATHA:
He.. He fell off in the park… you said you found..
MR MAGPIE:
Fell off. Oh top marks Agatha. Flying fucking colours. (pause)
Let me tell you a little story. About an old lady. Who fell asleep in the park. Feeding the moorhens. And while she dozed in the autumn sun, a.. magpie came along. And this magpie spotted the jewel around the old lady’s neck. And he thought to himself, that would look very pretty in my little nest. And he just couldn’t resist, he had to take it. And so he looked around to make sure the other birds couldn’t see, and he slipped the jewel from around the old lady’s neck and stole away. But as the magpie took flight he began to think. If the little old lady had something of such value, maybe she owned lots of other pretty jewels. So he waited, in his tree. And watched the old lady as she woke up. And he followed the old lady. He followed her all the way back to her little house. And he waited for it to get dark. He made sure she was all alone and he waited for it to get dark. Then he rang the bell, and made the old lady a cup of tea. And he perched on a chair in the old lady’s front room. And he told the old lady just how lucky she was and how she should appreciate it (he takes the knife from under the cushion).. And once he had... Do you want to know what happened next?
(Agatha sits there frozen, too frightened to even speak)
Well I’ll tell you (he approaches her) The magpie asked her very nicely if she would let him keep the jewel. And she said
AGATHA:
Please, please don’t take my david. You can’t. He’s mine, I won’t let you
MR MAGPIE:
And the old lady said ‘no’. So the magpie took his claws (he is upon her) and gripped the old lady tightly (his free hand is around her chin) and asked her one more time, if he could keep the pretty jewel. And she said
AGATHA:
He’s all I have left… I .. I wont let you
MR MAGPIE:
And on hearing that the magpie raised one claw (he lifts the knife) and scratched the old lady’s eyes out for being so very disagreeable.
(He brings the knife very close to her face, she whimpers but is powerless to stop him, they hold in that position for a few moments, until Mr Magpie releases her. In an instant he smacks her across the face. She falls to the floor. He removes the locket from around her neck, and begins pilling other ornaments into his bag)
And once the magpie had taught the old lady some manners. He picked up the jewel. And by now the old lady had learned to share. And the magpie put the jewel in his pocket. And he took all the other pretty jewels too. His house nest would be the prettiest nest, he thought to himself. And he flew away. Satisfied with his work. And they all lived happily ever after.
(He leaves. Agatha is in a heap on the floor. She cries for David. Fade to blackout)
